no common man

In common man there is this burning desire for simple, stimulating, comforting faith. How ever dogmatic are the religious practices, they loosen up in the comfort of their faith. It must be a good feeling. A feeling that I could never indulge in...

My emotion over ruled religious exaltations. Rationale overpowered faith. Stories were dissected. Examples were analyzed.Doubts prevailed.questions arose...

The essence of an earthly existence is fascinating. The differnce is that I was always trying to see it from the-wide-eyed-science-fiction-reading-kid's view point. The night sky never made me think of the power that held it all together. I was wondering who else was lying beyond that, on a bed and thinking the same thoughts.

"A special form of communion with God is prayer". At prayers, how hard I tried I felt guilty; guilty because of doing something that I could never believe in, something that was supposed to comfort me, but never did anyways.

Two months back I joined my friend in prayer in his church. Christian Science teaches that prayer is a spiritualization of thought or an understanding of God and of the nature of the underlying spiritual creation. One believes that this can result in healing, by bringing spiritual reality (the "Kingdom of Heaven" in Biblical terms) into clearer focus in the human scene. The world as it appears to the senses is regarded as a distorted version of the world of spiritual ideas: the latter is the only true reality. Prayer can heal the distortion.

The prayer lasted for more than 2 hours. My knees ached. May be I am no common man; the healing of my aching knees took 2 days. I know, I can never directly petition to God. My wavering mind seeks to run away from prayers.

I meditated hoping to learn the art of concentration. I ended up listening to the sound of a film song played from a far away house.

I am a doubting believer. Is there such a phrase? I just cant seem to find a better way to describe it.