Saturday, June 22, 2013

Birds and bees (originally written on May 13, 2010)

Bird: you are indeed a fast bee!

Bee: Well..gotta be one when chased by birds all the time!

Bird: I am not chasing anyone.I just ...happen to have big wings.

Bee: Every bird I meet says he has a big one. Tell me some thing new.

Bird: Like what?

Bee: Dude; dont u know anything that might impress a bee?

Bird: Ok...well..I read Paulo Coelho.

Bee: Oh yeah; when you so badly need a bee, the whole world will conspire to have a bee hive delivered 
to your nest.

Bird: Oh that reminds. I have a nest on the marina. Isn't that impressive?

Bee: Now we are talking! So..

Bird: May be I shoukdn't ask if its your place or mine...?

Bee: You are sooo naive. Anyways....marina its is.

Bird: Lets ride!


(kissing sounds)

Bird: Hmmm that was nice 


Bird: hmmmm

(more kissing sounds)

Bird: Can I you?

Bee: You naughty!!

(more sounds)

Bird: mmmmm (lights a cigarette)


Bird: Ooops...sorry!! (burp)

Bee:Bastard! you actually ate ate everything except by head! I am gonna die soon!

Bird:I am really sorry :( Guess I was hungry!!

Bee: I thought you were horny :(

Bird: I mean...are you gonna die?..really?

Bee: Seen any bee flyin around with no wings, no moron?

Bird: awww

Bee: See you in hell.

( Scene fades. Cutting crew sings " I just died in your arms tonight" in the background)

Princess, Dragon, Knight. (originally written on March 7, 2010)

I am here standing between the creature and you. I play the knight tonight. 
What r u tonight?

Me? I play the damsel of uncertainty. Strong but unsure. Fun but morose. Ready but cynical.
I am the power on a leash.

That is no good. It sounds nothing like the story I've heard when I was a kid. 
Aren't u supposed to thank me now? kiss me now? Ive heard such stories a lot! choose to hear the stories u like or u choose to remember the endings that appeal to you. 
I am sure that u never heard the one where the Princess slayed a dragon.
Stereotypes, lame plots, dull endings. Times have changes , Sire!

I am no dull ending anyways. I am the hero in all my stories. 
I refuse to destroy the hero's stereotypes.
Are u coming?

I refuse to be rescued. I can do it myself. I can rescue u for a change!

Alright, Then carry me over the burning bridge.
U think i wud b heavy? 
But about the kiss?


hmm....that was..nice!

u think so?

yes. Am I heavy?


El Matador (originally written on Feb 10, 2010)

The eyes meeting from 20 feet away and the wind waiting for some one to move. The last of the tiny dust swirl settles down in its seat to watch.

I peer from under the shade of my montera. A sharp blade hidden in the red mutela's folds. An impatient hoof kicks up enough dust betraying the animal's intention.

Between us is the decision.To play, fight, flirt, or to retrace a few steps.
Between us is the distance. To cover on quick feet or to measure and stay vigil.

But first blood has already been drawn.Regardless of the spectators, the "tanda" begins. The game is on.

There is no hunter.No hunted. The roles aren't defined.

I flourish the cape and meet the beast half way through..... 

A love KNOTe (originally written on April 23, 2010)

It all started when she threw a sheep at me.I threw a jack-fruit back. Oh wait..I guess that wasn't available. Think it was a brick.

Then appeared a real prick; Sean. He claimed he was the fist one to poke her. And the first poke is always special. To make matters worse, he had an army of 11000 vampires waiting to suck on anyone's virtual neck. In fact the whole scene sucked...for me.

I can't stand him. He may not be as stupid as the God fearing Georgie who copy pasted the entire old testament sentence by sentence and covered my whole bloody homepage for 2 weeks in a row. But Sean is Bad. He married 5,divorced 4 and is still single. He has poked 3469 women and men of all ages and is still counting, poking and throwing assorted objects. Yesterday his status said "I am farting in the pool". I am sure that it had been a highly useful piece of information and saved the lives of a last few sea turtles facing extinction because of deep sea divers with flatulence.

Linda posted a pic of her at a bbq with friends and tagged me on a dumpster in the background. I admired her sense of humour through my tears and also felt strangely happy for being a part of her life as a humble inanimate object. But Sean took offence and raided my mafia property and looted it dry. He also didn't forget to gift a baby elephant to her and adopted her homeless grasshopper with a hopping disability. Conniving pest.

Did you know that Sean created a fan club for himself and he is a fan of himself! He even invited me to be his fan!! How the f*ck is that possible you f*ckin moron? Would you also invite me to your own funeral and cry over my shoulder on your untimely death by an overdose of poking? And what exactly is your talent, genius? Clicking photos of your miserable face in the john and posting them online to scare kids?

And I cant believe that you "wanted to smear labneh" on Lily! She is only 13, you perve! Didn't her parents have a restraining order on you ever since you invited her grandma to your "Pizza for sex" group? want to know the truth? YOU are the smear...on everyone's face(book).And soon the entire mouse wielding world is gonna wash its face off you. Get ready to get super poked up your a***

And my sweat heart social butterfly, I have a request. I may have this huge crush on you and will keep all those lollipops and hairpins (?) you gifted me till eternity. But please stop telling me that Amora the "jobless" love psychic predicted that I, out of adoration and in an uncontrollable love driven stupor, would be gifting you a Cadillac, a diamond and a villa by the seaside! You know that Anita the online menace, Amora's step sister from her Dad's shotgun marriage said something similar and is not very popular these days.And for your info, I just paid for this online session from a net-cafe in coins.

I know that I am losing this battle. By the time I think of a good enough retort to any insult Sean posts online and find enough money to pay the net-cafe  he would have fired a second nastier one. And why? 1348: Black Plague. 2002:BlackBerry. 

Oh..and here's the latest update from Sean. He joined his 12456th community. It is called "Show your underwear, dude". Oh are right... those retards who think that their knickers should be seen. For guys like Sean, it works. It takes your attention away from his unfortunate face.

Watch out for my next post, hun.I just got a link to a video of Sean. Him torturing 2 hamsters with a lit cigarette. Its on its way to PETA and the rest of the world.Just a note: the skinny hand that's handing over the ciggy looks a bit like mine. Well..I am not the only skinny guy with a hand.

Linda, the only thing that worries me is that I have never seen you in person. You have a pretty profile pic. But there aren't too many pics on your profile and some of them look a lil different from each other  I hope you are not some 70 something hag with dentures and dementia like the "chick" I bumped into on Sorority. If you are, I would be very unhappy. And happy too...for Sean.

Love you Linda. I love Facebook too. It is the only place where I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot.

Yours to poke for ever...ME.