Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Lord, for you!

India is set to overtake China as the world's most populous nation by 2050, while some countries will shrink by nearly 40%, according to new research: says BBC.

Wikipedia mentions that India's population of approximately 1.13 billion people (estimate for March 10, 2008) comprises approximately one-sixth of the world's population. India has more than two thousand ethnic groups, and every major religion is represented.

We also have a big economy measured in USD exchange-rate terms, the twelfth largest in the world, with a GDP of around $1 trillion (2008).It is the second fastest big emerging economy, after China, in the world.

But because of our per capita income of $4,542, the World Bank classifies India as a low-income economy. We already knew that, didn't we?

We have a huge country, no doubt. Our problems are also humungous; too many people, religions, languages, political parties, beaurocrats, rats...and less and less of food, water, toilets, buses, good clean on and so forth..

With more people, problems link themselves to each other. Worldwide, industrial growth can, and is taking place with virtually no increase in the demand for labor. More and more children from the slums have to find some job as their parents find it impossible to feed their families. Wages are pushed down. Self respect goes for a six. Dignity of labour was anyways alien to us.

We hollered at Bush when he said we are about to eat up every thing at the buffet with our Chinese brothers. But look at the figures: In the three-year periods of 1979-1981 and 1991-1993, world-wide food production per head moved up by 3 percent, whereas per capita food production jumped 23 percent in India!

Dr Ramana Kumar who is currently working in the World Health Organization (IARC), Lyon, France says that "there is currently tremendous pressure from mostly Western Monetary Institutions to wind up India's PDS (Public Distribution System). There are also many un-rectified inefficiencies in the acquisition and storage of grain. It is estimated that as much as one-fourth of the grains managed by the Food Corporation of India are wasted due to spoilage, disease, or transportation losses.
Given the magnitude of the problem, any Indian government ought to be fully justified in enforcing the one-child norm in the entire country, irrespective of caste, creed or religion".

We are many people in here; and we eat big. Bush cant tell us to diet. True. But that guy ought to be scared. But no one should be as scared as we themselves. But are we? Seems not...

The just-concluded Kerala Catholic Bishop Council (KCBC), the powerful body of 29 dioceses, has called upon its followers to make more babies. “We are planning to develop a pro-life ministry in a big way. We want to promote and encourage more life. Our family commission has submitted many proposals to check the dwindling numbers of the believers,” said Father Stephen Alathara, KCBC deputy secretary. The Christian concept of sexuality blends love and procreation on an equal footing. Thou shalt procreate more...

In such a holy scenario, how do people like Dr Ramana Kumar stand? Right in their way.

According to the guidelines issued by the council, all hospitals of Church will provide reverse sterilization surgery in subsidised rate, and no pregnancy termination surgeries or sterilisation surgeries would be done in hospitals of Church.Parents who produce more than two children would be honored in public functions.

Picture this: Mrs & Mr XXX (no pun intended) coyly accepting a plaque which says "For fruits of labor" after a sunday morning prayer and the rest of the parish with slightly embarressed smiles, nodding in approval? Kids looking at all the big bellies of women around and wondering why the church has become so small these days? Newly wed couples watching Mrs & Mr XXX on stage, looks at each other, clasp their hands together and takes a mental vow to DO IT more often and be up there one day?

I think the council has forgotten one thing in all this confusion. How about the catholic priests chipping in with a lil help? Atleast a few had proven that procreation isn't such a foreign subject to them, after all!

God, save me from your followers!!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

The lookers

"Men ogle at women for almost one year of their life time"

"Thats it?", some would ask. Women mostly. "You mean they do some thing else for the rest of the years?", few would go on. Alright, go ahead. Say it again.

The article I read says that a man ogles at 11 women on a day, each one a different woman, and none includes his wife. Each woman gets approximately 2 minutes of his undivided/divided attention. Do a simple maths and you will know how this translates into that "1 year".

So? Women have no interest in this activity? O yeah! They do! but they are more selective it seems. And they ogle at 2 men a day, 90 seconds each, which means they save almost 10 months from their lives to do more "useful" stuff? Useful? Well, that I guess depends....

John Sewell, of the global market research firm, that carried out the poll, told Daily Express that this is why men have to ensure that they impress women in a relatively short time of 90 seconds! So my male readers; now that I have your attention, allow me to share some valuable tips. Dear ladies; if you do not agree, you are still right. All generalisations are false; aren't they!

I say; my brothers; first of all, part of what makes a woman tick, isn't really in your hands. And partly, yes it is. This is why...
The poll says that 50% of women found that they were attracted first by the eyes of the man, then they had a peek at his back side and later, checked out his perfume. I think that explains why the average Indian man fails miserably when competing with men from the other parts of the globe.

First of all, he thinks mentally undressing a woman right in front of her own eyes is sexy. See, all women do not behave like the ones we see in Basic Instinct. Leave the de-robing for the indoors; once you reach there ofcourse.
Secondly, your back side. Check it out yourself in the mirror. Caution, dont let your wifey catch you at it. She may quickly make a connection with the extended hours you have been spending with the boys at the club! Anyway, check your butt. Do you see any of the following?

The waist measures more than your chest and thus your posterior looks big enough to block Sir Ivan from the Cayman island?
The trouser is from Carrefour promotional bin and it has pleats in the wrong place that makes you look like "post-Ivan-Cayman island"?
Your bottom still carries a vivid impression of the white paint from the wall to which you have been leaning while you were waiting for the cab/ogling again?
Your hand runs like scared mice all around your waist adjusting, pulling, pushing, scratching-where-its-itching?
Or probably worse, you habe no butt at all?

Hmm, if the answer is yes to any of the above questions, the woman in the question would thankfully reduce those "90" seconds to 0.9 and check out another butt in the vicinity. Plus, the rest of this blog wouldn't be of much interest to you.

That brings us to our 3rd point. Do you smell? Most men can never answer this question correctly. Most Indians, yes, have no idea. Why? I smell, you smell, your friend smells, our dad smells, the whole bloomin town smells. Who ever worried? None of us ever told our brothers that they need to smell good! After all, the wives who bore our children never told us that we smell even during our most intimate encounters with them!

But guys, you are not checking out your wife now! And,this woman is checking you out now. If you smell; she knows. Knows to keep away.

Another interesting find from the poll was that 50% of the men were caught ogling by women while only 30% of women were found checking out men! Now say, who is smarter at it?

The comforting find was this: The majority of the women found an approving gaze enjoyable. Only 30% found it disturbing. 80% of men found that a woman's stare did wonders to their self esteem. Now, those percentages are very close, aren't they?!

Keep looking; but guys; check out your butt first!

Red, Yellow and Stinky