Saturday, June 22, 2013

Birds and bees (originally written on May 13, 2010)

Bird: you are indeed a fast bee!

Bee: Well..gotta be one when chased by birds all the time!

Bird: I am not chasing anyone.I just ...happen to have big wings.

Bee: Every bird I meet says he has a big one. Tell me some thing new.

Bird: Like what?

Bee: Dude; dont u know anything that might impress a bee?

Bird: Ok...well..I read Paulo Coelho.

Bee: Oh yeah; when you so badly need a bee, the whole world will conspire to have a bee hive delivered 
to your nest.

Bird: Oh that reminds. I have a nest on the marina. Isn't that impressive?

Bee: Now we are talking! So..

Bird: May be I shoukdn't ask if its your place or mine...?

Bee: You are sooo naive. Anyways....marina its is.

Bird: Lets ride!


(kissing sounds)

Bird: Hmmm that was nice 


Bird: hmmmm

(more kissing sounds)

Bird: Can I you?

Bee: You naughty!!

(more sounds)

Bird: mmmmm (lights a cigarette)


Bird: Ooops...sorry!! (burp)

Bee:Bastard! you actually ate ate everything except by head! I am gonna die soon!

Bird:I am really sorry :( Guess I was hungry!!

Bee: I thought you were horny :(

Bird: I mean...are you gonna die?..really?

Bee: Seen any bee flyin around with no wings, no moron?

Bird: awww

Bee: See you in hell.

( Scene fades. Cutting crew sings " I just died in your arms tonight" in the background)

Princess, Dragon, Knight. (originally written on March 7, 2010)

I am here standing between the creature and you. I play the knight tonight. 
What r u tonight?

Me? I play the damsel of uncertainty. Strong but unsure. Fun but morose. Ready but cynical.
I am the power on a leash.

That is no good. It sounds nothing like the story I've heard when I was a kid. 
Aren't u supposed to thank me now? kiss me now? Ive heard such stories a lot! choose to hear the stories u like or u choose to remember the endings that appeal to you. 
I am sure that u never heard the one where the Princess slayed a dragon.
Stereotypes, lame plots, dull endings. Times have changes , Sire!

I am no dull ending anyways. I am the hero in all my stories. 
I refuse to destroy the hero's stereotypes.
Are u coming?

I refuse to be rescued. I can do it myself. I can rescue u for a change!

Alright, Then carry me over the burning bridge.
U think i wud b heavy? 
But about the kiss?


hmm....that was..nice!

u think so?

yes. Am I heavy?


El Matador (originally written on Feb 10, 2010)

The eyes meeting from 20 feet away and the wind waiting for some one to move. The last of the tiny dust swirl settles down in its seat to watch.

I peer from under the shade of my montera. A sharp blade hidden in the red mutela's folds. An impatient hoof kicks up enough dust betraying the animal's intention.

Between us is the decision.To play, fight, flirt, or to retrace a few steps.
Between us is the distance. To cover on quick feet or to measure and stay vigil.

But first blood has already been drawn.Regardless of the spectators, the "tanda" begins. The game is on.

There is no hunter.No hunted. The roles aren't defined.

I flourish the cape and meet the beast half way through..... 

A love KNOTe (originally written on April 23, 2010)

It all started when she threw a sheep at me.I threw a jack-fruit back. Oh wait..I guess that wasn't available. Think it was a brick.

Then appeared a real prick; Sean. He claimed he was the fist one to poke her. And the first poke is always special. To make matters worse, he had an army of 11000 vampires waiting to suck on anyone's virtual neck. In fact the whole scene sucked...for me.

I can't stand him. He may not be as stupid as the God fearing Georgie who copy pasted the entire old testament sentence by sentence and covered my whole bloody homepage for 2 weeks in a row. But Sean is Bad. He married 5,divorced 4 and is still single. He has poked 3469 women and men of all ages and is still counting, poking and throwing assorted objects. Yesterday his status said "I am farting in the pool". I am sure that it had been a highly useful piece of information and saved the lives of a last few sea turtles facing extinction because of deep sea divers with flatulence.

Linda posted a pic of her at a bbq with friends and tagged me on a dumpster in the background. I admired her sense of humour through my tears and also felt strangely happy for being a part of her life as a humble inanimate object. But Sean took offence and raided my mafia property and looted it dry. He also didn't forget to gift a baby elephant to her and adopted her homeless grasshopper with a hopping disability. Conniving pest.

Did you know that Sean created a fan club for himself and he is a fan of himself! He even invited me to be his fan!! How the f*ck is that possible you f*ckin moron? Would you also invite me to your own funeral and cry over my shoulder on your untimely death by an overdose of poking? And what exactly is your talent, genius? Clicking photos of your miserable face in the john and posting them online to scare kids?

And I cant believe that you "wanted to smear labneh" on Lily! She is only 13, you perve! Didn't her parents have a restraining order on you ever since you invited her grandma to your "Pizza for sex" group? want to know the truth? YOU are the smear...on everyone's face(book).And soon the entire mouse wielding world is gonna wash its face off you. Get ready to get super poked up your a***

And my sweat heart social butterfly, I have a request. I may have this huge crush on you and will keep all those lollipops and hairpins (?) you gifted me till eternity. But please stop telling me that Amora the "jobless" love psychic predicted that I, out of adoration and in an uncontrollable love driven stupor, would be gifting you a Cadillac, a diamond and a villa by the seaside! You know that Anita the online menace, Amora's step sister from her Dad's shotgun marriage said something similar and is not very popular these days.And for your info, I just paid for this online session from a net-cafe in coins.

I know that I am losing this battle. By the time I think of a good enough retort to any insult Sean posts online and find enough money to pay the net-cafe  he would have fired a second nastier one. And why? 1348: Black Plague. 2002:BlackBerry. 

Oh..and here's the latest update from Sean. He joined his 12456th community. It is called "Show your underwear, dude". Oh are right... those retards who think that their knickers should be seen. For guys like Sean, it works. It takes your attention away from his unfortunate face.

Watch out for my next post, hun.I just got a link to a video of Sean. Him torturing 2 hamsters with a lit cigarette. Its on its way to PETA and the rest of the world.Just a note: the skinny hand that's handing over the ciggy looks a bit like mine. Well..I am not the only skinny guy with a hand.

Linda, the only thing that worries me is that I have never seen you in person. You have a pretty profile pic. But there aren't too many pics on your profile and some of them look a lil different from each other  I hope you are not some 70 something hag with dentures and dementia like the "chick" I bumped into on Sorority. If you are, I would be very unhappy. And happy too...for Sean.

Love you Linda. I love Facebook too. It is the only place where I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot.

Yours to poke for ever...ME.

Sandstorm (originally written on Feb 27, 2010)

Brown, blind fingers of wind and sand reached out, scooped up and threw the leaves in an upward spiral
and celebrated the end of winter, a frail girl who woke up late and saw a sneering sun waiting to collect her rent.

She walked out into the swirling sand and covered her dewey eyes... but the wind lashed at her in disdain and mocked, "Does it hurt?"

Winter pulled her tattered dress around her and looked back at her house where the grass was turning yellow and the rosebuds drooped and dropped.

Then, forelone, she walked right into the sandstorm and disappeared.

Smog (originally written on January 18, 2010)

7.30 pm 

a late winter dims the daylights early and spreads the cloudy quilt over the city. and like a rebellious teen, the city stays up and continues the banter.... 

through the slow crawling line of cars, honking in broken crescendo... 

through men in cafes who talk loud, laugh, sip black tea, smoke and at hit each other on their back.... 

through flickering television screens infront of bored women..... 

through fighting couples behind heavy curtains..... 

through whores with painted faces and noisy stilletos..

through the undying street lights..... 

through wailing sirens.... 

tired but edgy; dirty but scented; big but small inside; the city croons...... 

i will love you... 

if you pay me! (originally written on Nov 28, 2009)

I will build a house on facebook.

It will have nice pictures of pretty girls on the walls that people will like. They could look in through the open curtains and comment.

The backyard will always be full of ripe strawberry and yellow pumpkin gardens.In the porch I will have turkeys and a baby elephant.

Every hour, a girl in blue and white will pass by to tell me if my luck will change or not.She just told me that a neighbour will adopt all my illegitimate children.

When I feel bored I will race a red monster on the dirt track and throw gravel into the eyes of pedestrians. When I am pissed, I will empty a Madsen M50 into a cafe and watch the crimson river flow down the drain.

When I feel benevolent I will join a hundred causes, wear my heart on my sleeve, pin a pink ribbon and forget all about it. 

When I am happy, I will invite a big eyed socialite over for tea cakes and muffins. She will ask me if I would donate money for sea-turtle preservation and I would slowly nudge the interviewer's feet under the table in assurance.

When there is romance in the air, I would change my marital status, search the net for sweet nothings to say in her ears and hope she doesn't notice my over sized ears.

One day I will kiss you with a click.

Night train (originally written on Dec 1, 2010)

Chugged up and gathered them


and bright things up there

put them straight

single file, on a string and told them

for the last time

that my world to come

isn't theirs

to **** with

and then

rode down,  wishing

it was as easy

as writing this.

Subliminal (originally written on May 30, 2010)


"I can see that you are interested in this painting"

"You talkin to me?"

"Well..there's no one else around!"

"..which never implies that you were "talking" to me. I must have simply heard the words uttered by you..and you must be in the habit of talking to yourself".

"Isn't it tiring to explain things like that quite pointlessly?"

"It's pointless and tiring to talk to some one when that person isn't interested in a conversation at all."

"I get the message. Good day to you"

"Oh don't be upset! I was just kidding!" 


"Well....I do this to every stranger who tries to get me into a conversation".

"So you are used to having strangers approaching you for a conversation? I am sure that they all must be keeping away after the first experience"

"I don't know. May be you could tell me laters"

"Why do you think I may see you again?"

"You will...I know. I see you staring at my chest"

"Oh..well...I was just..trying to read what was written on your tee..."

"Its alright. I know. It says "Look at me"

"Oh says so!...So you see..its quite natural that I stared at it"

"You could say that..but there is another reason"


"Look closer!"


"Hey....are you really trying to read?...or just chekin me out?"

"Now that was uncalled for. YOU asked to look close"

"Its alright! You are supposed to. Among the words , there's a hidden text that says "Busty". Can you see?"

"Well you certainly are..but I can't see the words!"

"One out of five can't see it. But it would still make you look".

"I think I will have to agree".

"That I am busty?"

"No!....I think the hidden message works"

"You think so?"

"Yes....and.... guess what! I have a hidden message too!"

"Where?....You are wearing a plain white shirt and jeans!"

"Yes...but look into my eyes!"

" are right! there is something in there...and it says "loser"...!

"Not surprised at all. One out of five gets it wrong"

"So what does it say?"

"It says "a rivuLET runS and MAKEs its way aLOng the riVEr"

"Do you mind if I appreciate this oil painting here?"

"See! we make the other 2 out of the five!"

Red, Yellow and Stinky