Sunday, February 4, 2018

What's on your mind!

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Facebook asks you all the time; “what’s on your mind?”

It is not mandatory to answer. If you got shit on your mind, don’t speak a word.

It’s also ok not to reveal everything about you and take away the suspense; because Facebook isn’t your diary. There is some stuff that is better off when it is off the Facebook.

For instance…

You don’t have to check in every time you change your seat. For eg: this uncaring world isn’t really concerned about you checking in to 
the neighborhood grocery store. Well..even if it’s in the Bahamas. It doesn’t tax anybody’s brains to guess what you would be doing in a grocery. Unless you robbed the frickin shop; in which case, you should perhaps not tell anyone that you were there.

Stop being a cry baby. It doesn’t paint a very smart picture of you when post “Oh I hit my shin against the sofa!”…accompanied by a mobile phone click that shows a leg, 5 inches above the knee. Girl, we know what you did there!  Or..”Oh I’ve got the flu”... accompanied by a snotty face, looking like you just delivered triplets through your arse. In most cases you wouldn’t die. You didn’t, last time. Remember!

You do not approve of Jay Z’s choice of the color of the burger he bought for Aaliyah. It perhaps broke your heart irreparably. So you have what everybody else has got. An opinion. However your 120 word motivational piece titled “Men are blind” won’t make it to “movers and shakers” of the year. It sucked. It will continue to suck as long it is on your timeline. 

That server who didn’t give a third helping of the wild mushroom sauce was perhaps not the world’s best. But she doesn’t “deserve to die”. She ain’t a “bitch”. Even if she “had a fat ass”. Even if “her parents were related”. Your rant might have got 496 likes and comments such “Are you related to George Orwell!”. But it was in poor taste. A rant is a rant. Not literature.

Your kid is special. So is every other kid. “Oh lil Johnny said ga! Oh he just undid my button. He said ja. He speaks latin! He cooks his own breakfast!  Gosh…my lil 2 year old Johnny said his 1st 4 letter word today!” Well..a few years down the line he will post his own 4 letter word online. Don’t be an incessant, vain parent online. Keep it classy.

You got ditched. Most probably not for the first time too. Happened to somebody else too. Shit happens. Don’t smear that on a Facebook wall and go on a “beat-my-chest-till-I-die” mode. Talk to a real person. Call a friend. Share the grief. Stop wailing. Facebook isn’t your therapist. You are making somebody happy when you wail on Facebook.

You took a Facebook quiz and it says you are a unicorn. You took another one and it says you should be the King of Scotland and after you give up the ghost, there will be flood. Stop taking quizzes. Try scrabble. See how well you fare.

Somebody died. Perhaps someone real close. It is traumatic. You feel utterly crushed and you are in a lot of pain. Go ahead. Cry your heart out. Mourn. But if you have posted your dear one’s lifeless face and a sad emoji on Facebook, well..something else died inside you. Stop turning death in to a celebration on Facebook.

I have another thought now. But it’s ok if it’s not on Facebook. None of us are that important. 

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Sauce by the side